When is the right time to date after divorce?

heybaby is excited to introduce Daniel Herrold. A blogger, podcaster, and influencer, with expertise in dating after divorce and dating over 40. Read on for Daniel’s insights and suggestions on dating after divorce.

This is often a question I am asked, and one that I think a lot of newly divorcees think about during and after their divorce.

Being a divorced dad myself, I can speak from personal experience.  I can definitely speak from one who made a great deal mistakes along the way.

The short answer is this:  you are ready to start dating when you are healed from your divorce.

The problem I believe we are all experiencing as we are navigating dating, particularly online dating, is that there are too many people on the dating platforms should not be on them!   And this is often creating a very toxic environment!

 We can all agree that divorce is painful, and with any trauma, healing needs to take place.  What often comes with a divorce is a whirlwind of emotions, from sadness, to anger, to depression, to shame and often loneliness.   We often find ourselves with very little self-worth as we navigate this tumultuous period of time.

But because we humans yearn for connection, and we feel those pangs of loneliness as we’re thrust into being single again, we turn to dating to try to fill that void, without fully healing and recovering from our trauma.   We often know subconsciously that we are not ready, yet our yearning for connection often outweighs our sensibilities. 

I speak from personal experience, as I dove into dating far too early in my post-divorce life without focusing on self-care and healing from the pain of a breakup of a long marriage. I experienced a roller coaster of emotions during this time, and when someone is in pain and hurting (as I was), we often are not thinking with a clear head and making the best of decisions.   I wish I had focused that time and energy less on the dating apps and more on my own personal healing and rediscovery.

So how long does that take to heal, you ask?   Well, unfortunately there is no right answer.   Healing is not linear.   And each divorce is unique in its own right, as well as the trauma that comes with it.

I do believe this:  the more time you focus on healing & self-care during this time period, the faster you will heal and recover from your divorce.   And not only will you heal, you will go through this incredible self-discovery process which in many cases sets you on the path to create a newer and better version of yourself.

So take your time. Heal first.  Then date.

All the best,

Daniel Herrold

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