When and How to Discuss Your Dating History

Your dating history. It’s bound to come up, if not during the first few dates then at some point not long after. But let’s make one thing super clear: You don’t have to reveal personal information you genuinely don’t feel comfortable sharing. Your past is your past, and you have a right to your privacy.

So what’s the best way to handle that inevitable conversation? Especially when it comes to the topics that matter? Things like a divorce and children are, erm, pretty big. This isn’t the kind of stuff you conceal until later in a relationship, so it’s good to be clear from the beginning. Either in the first couple dates (if everything seems to be going well) or the pre-date messages you exchange on the dating app. Transparent, honest communication is always key. Here’s how to tackle this sometimes tricky task with a delicate touch.

Know What to Share

No divorce? No kids? You might still have stuff to share. Among the most important is any existing liaisons you might have with an ex. Do you run a business together even though you can’t figure out why you ever dated them? Do you still live together even though you broke up ages ago, but just haven’t had time to find a new place? Yep, this is the kind of thing you want to share with someone who has the potential to be a long-term mate.

Share What You’ve Learned

The beauty of past relationships is that they can be serious learning experiences. As you grow up and wiser, you discover a lot about what you want from a partner, and even your own capacity to give. Think about why your previous dalliances didn’t work out. Were you on different paths entirely? Did the person not get your quirky sense of humor? These kinds of insights can help your date understand you better, too, which is a huge bonus.

Own Up to Friendly Bonds

If you and your ex are still on great terms, that’s awesome. It shows that you’re mature enough to respect that, while the lovey-dovey stuff didn’t quite work out, you can still be friends. Now comes the test: Is your date cool with that or does it cause them to break into a cold sweat and start freaking at the idea of you texting the ex to wish them a happy birthday? That’s … that’s a red flag, folks. So be clear if you and the ex are still buddies. Hopefully, your date will not only respect this, but also admire you for it.

Time the Conversation Right

As we’ve said, only bring up the big information that really, really matters and could possibly affect your relationship in the beginning. The person should absolutely know if you’re a busy mom who can only schedule dates from time to time or that you got divorced a year ago and are just starting to date. That’s good information to put in your dating profile.

As for the other, less important information, it’s not quite necessary to be so open right away. Some conversations happen naturally as the relationship progresses. Maybe you’re just reminiscing about a fun vacation you had with your ex — focus on the vacay, not the ex, by the way — or maybe you’re talking about how you recovered from an ex cheating on you. Those are good moments to share the deets.

And what if your date just flat out asks? Be prepared for that. Some people like to cut to the chase. Abide by the first rule of revealing only what you’re comfortable sharing, especially if it’s early in the relationship.

Otherwise, be honest, forthright, and treat the subject with the importance it deserves. Never think about your exes at all? Make that clear. Still have some hang-ups over the big breakup? Might be good to share at some stage. Being genuine is what relationships are all about, and the right person for you won’t have a problem if you’re still coming to terms with things that happened in the past.

With heybaby dating, you never have to worry about crazy secrets coming to light later in the relationship. It’s the dating app for people who have or want kids, so that’s one bit of information that you’ll know right away. As for the rest? When you truly connect with The One, you’ll feel good about sharing anything (or almost anything) that’s on your mind.

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