Most people tend to fall into certain patterns that dominate their lives. That applies to everything from daily routines to relationships. When it comes to the latter though, it’s important to pay attention — because what you settle for might just be what holds you back from finding “The One.”
Truth is, when those so-called “bad” patterns start to affect your sense of well-being, they have a tendency to stick their clutches in and not let go. So even though you think you’re nothing but a Maker of Great Choices, you might be sabotaging yourself every time you go out with someone.
Can you relate? If you feel like you generally don’t have the strongest romantic relationships or tend to end up in toxic situations that leave you feeling kind of crummy, here are some tips to help you avoid such scenarios in the future.
Speak to Yourself
Yep, have a conversation — with yourself. Really go deep to find out where the motivations for these patterns actually live. Because they have to come from somewhere. Maybe it’s something that happened during your childhood or teen years that shaped the choices you make as an adult. This could require some real talk, or maybe some therapy. But it could also be as easy as jotting down some key commonalities that all of your previous relationships share. What did you consider warning signs? What did you wish you had identified sooner? Pay attention to what you discover.
Understand Your Needs
It’s really that simple. You don’t need to be some sort of relationship guru to be in an awesome relationship. You don’t need to have all the answers. And you definitely don’t need to be perfect (I mean, who is?). You just need to know what you want. Speak it out loud, and edit your vision until you identify exactly what it is that you’re sure will bring you joy. Do you want laughter, contentment, family, peace? Are these the ingredients that contribute to your happy future? Do you value simplicity and a sense of coziness and warmth at all times? People bring different personality traits to the table, and you might be mixing and mingling with people who are nice but aren’t quite for you. So knowing what you want is a real big one.
Identify Those Flags
If you’re too far gone in your relationship, the brightest red flag in the world could be perched on your lawn and you just won’t see it. It usually takes a serious wake-up call to get there — and those usually come at the expense of your feelings and sense of confidence. So how do you get beyond that stage? You have to keep it real. Think about what really, really sucks where your relationship is concerned. Do you constantly remember the “old” you who was the life of the party? Do you feel stifled? Do you watch your mouth? Do you tiptoe around the person so you don’t do something to upset them? Do you wonder why you often feel hurt or betrayed or generally not all that happy? Red flags, red flags, red flags. They’re everywhere. Your job isn’t just to see them, but to actively pull them out of the ground and throw them away. You don’t need ‘em.
Relationships of all kinds serve as learning experiences. They help us become better people and communicators. They help us grow. But they can also hold us back if we aren’t careful. By figuring out what matters most and taking steps to move away from those negative holding patterns, you can find what you truly want. If that happens to be marriage and children, you’re in the right place — heybaby is a dating app just for folks who have or want kids. The hard part is done for you, so you can relax and enjoy an easy conversation with someone who’s on the same page.